Seesaws and Wedged Between a Rock and a Hard Place

This week I am both starting my new job and am finishing up at my old job. Straddling both worlds is confusing, and my uneasiness is leading to brain jumble. I need to triple check everything I type because my mind keeps wandering. It's too full and crowded in here.

In the interest of taking better control of my finances, earlier today, I looked up each of my credit card balances so I could try to work up a strict budget. Unfortunately I realized that since I have no clue when I am going to get paid at my new job I don't think I can pay all of my bills without dipping into my (not so rotund) savings account. This fact got me blue.

But then as I went on working I started to appreciate the fact that it is a truly a beautiful day outside. We had the doors open today at the office and I could hear the wind blow and the birds chirp. I could see a sunbeam shining on the carpet. All began to feel right with the world and I realized that somehow everything will be all right.

Then my mother called me at work to ask if she could borrow $500.00 so the power wouldn't be turned off today at 5:00. Oy Bleeping Vey! Happy, fuzzy thoughts gone. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I live over my parents and they don't charge me a set amount for rent and I don't have to pay too much for utilities. I just give what I can each month and pay for groceries. I realize this is essentially a golden situation. Problem is my parents are a step and a half away from bankruptcy and my dad's pay, my mom's disability, and their combined social security does not stretch too far in the current climate when you add in their previous debt. Try though I may, I can't get them to stick to a strict budget. My father promises to take care of the situation, makes a few calls, then never quite follows through all of the way. This is nerve wracking. Asides from owing them life I also owe them for my living situation, but it is hard not feeling bitter every now and then. If they didn't need to always borrow money from me (we're up to a few thousand dollars by now) I could be more financially secure. I dread using my savings account below a certain amount because what if they need the money and I don't have it to give them?

Like I said, Oy Bleeping Vey!